im getting bored with what i'm doing for my patients and im sure they're getting bored with me too, lol, so it's time to be creative!
here's what i have in mind so far:
1. manicure sessions
> need to buy different nail polish colors
2. do art works
> need to go to michaels to scout for safe and easy crafts/art that we can do
3. look for funny books to read
4. bring psp and watch funny movies/cartoons (problem: psp screen is too small...they might not see anything)
> need to look for UMDs
5. think of easy table games to play
hmm.... what else.... any suggestions?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
i dont think i remember you
aug 24, 2009 - monday (yeah, was very busy last sat and sun)
5:00 - 6:30pm
=== (T) ===
i visited (T) first this time. he's sleeping when i saw him but when i entered the room he opened his eyes. i said my usual "hi, i'm here for a visit". he looked sleepy and cranky. i pulled one chair close to his bed and told him i'll read for him again. he dozes off while i read but he would wake up whenever i change my tone of voice (i have to change my tone of voice depending on what the character in the story is saying, lol). i didn't hear any hellos this time.
=== (I) ===
my favorite patient. she was sitting at the dining hall as usual. when i said hi to her she replied by telling me that she doesn't remember if she have met me. it's sad to hear that but that's how it is. she has dementia. anyway, i asked her how she is she replied: "i'm good and im hungry!" and she started laughing. she's really something. she must have been a lot of fun to be with when she was younger.
i want to wheel her up and down the hall again but the hospice is about to serve dinner so i just sat right next to her while we wait for her dinner to be served. i don't like staying at the dining hall because she can't hear me well and she gets confused by all the other people talking plus the tv.
she always talks about a lot of things when i visit but this time she mentioned something about children or having a baby a lot and she would tease me by calling me mom once in a while. she's funny.
=== (P) ===
(P) just had her dinner when i came to her room. but i think she sensed my presence because she opened her eyes when i started walking in her room. i said my hellos and sat on the floor right next to her bed and started reading to her again. i was reading to her for 20 minutes when i started hearing her snore. i have a weird feeling that she doesn't like me, hahaha. or maybe it's just my imagination.
=== (J) ===
i didn't visit (J) today because i was told to visit her just twice a month. i'll see her in september.
5:00 - 6:30pm
=== (T) ===
i visited (T) first this time. he's sleeping when i saw him but when i entered the room he opened his eyes. i said my usual "hi, i'm here for a visit". he looked sleepy and cranky. i pulled one chair close to his bed and told him i'll read for him again. he dozes off while i read but he would wake up whenever i change my tone of voice (i have to change my tone of voice depending on what the character in the story is saying, lol). i didn't hear any hellos this time.
=== (I) ===
my favorite patient. she was sitting at the dining hall as usual. when i said hi to her she replied by telling me that she doesn't remember if she have met me. it's sad to hear that but that's how it is. she has dementia. anyway, i asked her how she is she replied: "i'm good and im hungry!" and she started laughing. she's really something. she must have been a lot of fun to be with when she was younger.
i want to wheel her up and down the hall again but the hospice is about to serve dinner so i just sat right next to her while we wait for her dinner to be served. i don't like staying at the dining hall because she can't hear me well and she gets confused by all the other people talking plus the tv.
she always talks about a lot of things when i visit but this time she mentioned something about children or having a baby a lot and she would tease me by calling me mom once in a while. she's funny.
=== (P) ===
(P) just had her dinner when i came to her room. but i think she sensed my presence because she opened her eyes when i started walking in her room. i said my hellos and sat on the floor right next to her bed and started reading to her again. i was reading to her for 20 minutes when i started hearing her snore. i have a weird feeling that she doesn't like me, hahaha. or maybe it's just my imagination.
=== (J) ===
i didn't visit (J) today because i was told to visit her just twice a month. i'll see her in september.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
i'll choose a college where there are a lot of boys
another sunday...from 4:30 - 6:30... i had to skip my rondalla band practice... i really need to reorganize my schedule and maybe start doing my visits on a friday or some weekdays after work.
anyway...
=== (I) ===
i first went to see (I). as usual she's in the dining hall. i said my hello and off we go up and down the hall again, only stopping at every window we passed by for 15 minutes. she kept tagging on her blouse so i helped her fix it and pulled it down (it was very high up her waist) and then she asked "does it look better?" to which i answered "yeah, much much better!". she's a little quiet that day. she looked like she's not in the mood. she's not in her usual talkative self. she mentioned a person named harry very briefly and then she stopped. when i asked her about it i think she have forgotten that she even mentioned that name and she started talking about something else. as usual i would sit on the floor infront of her while i rub or touch her hand/arms. she kept saying "you're beautiful" which really made me laugh and i just kept replying "and so are you". but the most wonderful thing i heard from (I) that day was when she said "i think i'll keep you, i'll take you home with me". it really melted my heart.
=== (P) ===
then i visited (P). she's awake. i'm starting to think that the best time to visit my patients is in the afternoon so that they are all awake. i saw her with her legs exposed again. no blanket. maybe she preferred it that way. she really has a very good skin even at a very old age. i so envy her. anyway, so i said my hello. asked her how she is. i told her i brought a book again and that i'll read for her. i read her one of the chapters of the lord of the flies, the chapter where we stopped last time. (note to self: i think i need to buy those portable chairs that people used when watching a baseball game or having picnics. i was wearing a dress that day (i cant stand jeans, very very hot) and i had to sit on the floor right next to my patient's bed or right infront of my patient's wheelchair.). when it's almost time to go the nurse came in to give her dinner. i just watched her eat for a while (she can still eat on her own) and then i said goodbye. another note to self: i really need to ask my volunteer coordinator about bringing a nail polish. hers is chipping off.
=== (J) ===
next stop is (J). she's on the second floor. i found her on the dining hall and she just finished her dinner when i saw her. i said hello, again i heard that light chuckle and then i grabbed a chair and sat right next to her. i noticed that she was hiding her other hand inside the side of her pants. i teased her about it but she just chuckled. i asked her if she wants me to wheel her down the hall or if she prefer to just stay, she chose to just stay at the dining hall. there's another old woman sharing a dining table with her. she's a short old woman. at first she would just watch me while i stroke (J)'s back or shoulder or upper arm and while i talk to (J) and then she started talking to me too. i think she thought i'm one of (J)'s relatives and she kept telling (J) "i trust her", "i really think she is trustworthy. i'm very good at judging peoples personality". or the "i like her smile. she'll go places because of that smile". hmm interesting. anyway, she also asked me if i had a good swim and i just said yes even if i haven't been to my apartment's swimming pool since it opened, lol. the funniest part of the conversation i had with that old lady was this:
"are you done school?"
"yes, i'm done with school"
"ah that's good. have you decided which school to go to for college?"
"uhmm. hmm. i really haven't decided yet"
"i'll choose a college where there are a lot of boys"
i can't help it and just laughed out loud,LOL.
"oh" was my reply
"that's what i'll do", the old woman again
(J) was just smiling the whole time and looked contented by just listening to our conversation and answering the old lady’s questions to her. although i still think she’s having difficulty talking. oh and she also laughed when the old woman mentioned about going to a school where there are a lot of boys. by the way, i need to document this. one of the nurses was holding a small container w/ spoon that looks like a pudding that has (J)'s meds mixed in it. the nurse asked me if i can feed (J) but i told her i don't know how and she looked surprised and repeated what i said:
"you don't know how?"
"yes, i don't know how, i'm sorry" i replied. i felt useless at that very moment, lol
"you're just here to visit?"
"yeah", trying to hid my embarassment, lol
"oh, i thought you're an aid"
hmmm.... i wonder if they know about volunteers visiting the patients or if i'm really expected to feed the patient and help with meds. i sure remember my coordinator telling us that we're just there for emotional support nothing else.
=== (T) ===
last stop was (T). he's in his room sleeping. i grabbed a chair (i wish all rooms have chairs, lol) and i think i woke him up because of that. i introduced myself. said my hello and asked him how he was. he's not responsive like (P) but he says "thank you" and "hello" a lot. so anyway, i sat right next to his bed and showed him some pictures of deers and read to him the description. he tried grabbing the book from me so i gave it to him but he can't really hold something with his hand so it just fell on the side of his bed. then i asked him if he wants me to read him a book. he didn't reply and i saw his eyes slowly closing. but i was like, what the heck i'll just read to him. when i started reading he opened his eyes right away and after a few minutes started dozing off again and then he would open his eyes again as if he just remembered i was there and he would doze off again... that's pretty much what happened while i was there. when it's time to leave i said my goodbye and he started saying "hello" over and over until i left the room.
anyway...
=== (I) ===
i first went to see (I). as usual she's in the dining hall. i said my hello and off we go up and down the hall again, only stopping at every window we passed by for 15 minutes. she kept tagging on her blouse so i helped her fix it and pulled it down (it was very high up her waist) and then she asked "does it look better?" to which i answered "yeah, much much better!". she's a little quiet that day. she looked like she's not in the mood. she's not in her usual talkative self. she mentioned a person named harry very briefly and then she stopped. when i asked her about it i think she have forgotten that she even mentioned that name and she started talking about something else. as usual i would sit on the floor infront of her while i rub or touch her hand/arms. she kept saying "you're beautiful" which really made me laugh and i just kept replying "and so are you". but the most wonderful thing i heard from (I) that day was when she said "i think i'll keep you, i'll take you home with me". it really melted my heart.
=== (P) ===
then i visited (P). she's awake. i'm starting to think that the best time to visit my patients is in the afternoon so that they are all awake. i saw her with her legs exposed again. no blanket. maybe she preferred it that way. she really has a very good skin even at a very old age. i so envy her. anyway, so i said my hello. asked her how she is. i told her i brought a book again and that i'll read for her. i read her one of the chapters of the lord of the flies, the chapter where we stopped last time. (note to self: i think i need to buy those portable chairs that people used when watching a baseball game or having picnics. i was wearing a dress that day (i cant stand jeans, very very hot) and i had to sit on the floor right next to my patient's bed or right infront of my patient's wheelchair.). when it's almost time to go the nurse came in to give her dinner. i just watched her eat for a while (she can still eat on her own) and then i said goodbye. another note to self: i really need to ask my volunteer coordinator about bringing a nail polish. hers is chipping off.
=== (J) ===
next stop is (J). she's on the second floor. i found her on the dining hall and she just finished her dinner when i saw her. i said hello, again i heard that light chuckle and then i grabbed a chair and sat right next to her. i noticed that she was hiding her other hand inside the side of her pants. i teased her about it but she just chuckled. i asked her if she wants me to wheel her down the hall or if she prefer to just stay, she chose to just stay at the dining hall. there's another old woman sharing a dining table with her. she's a short old woman. at first she would just watch me while i stroke (J)'s back or shoulder or upper arm and while i talk to (J) and then she started talking to me too. i think she thought i'm one of (J)'s relatives and she kept telling (J) "i trust her", "i really think she is trustworthy. i'm very good at judging peoples personality". or the "i like her smile. she'll go places because of that smile". hmm interesting. anyway, she also asked me if i had a good swim and i just said yes even if i haven't been to my apartment's swimming pool since it opened, lol. the funniest part of the conversation i had with that old lady was this:
"are you done school?"
"yes, i'm done with school"
"ah that's good. have you decided which school to go to for college?"
"uhmm. hmm. i really haven't decided yet"
"i'll choose a college where there are a lot of boys"
i can't help it and just laughed out loud,LOL.
"oh" was my reply
"that's what i'll do", the old woman again
(J) was just smiling the whole time and looked contented by just listening to our conversation and answering the old lady’s questions to her. although i still think she’s having difficulty talking. oh and she also laughed when the old woman mentioned about going to a school where there are a lot of boys. by the way, i need to document this. one of the nurses was holding a small container w/ spoon that looks like a pudding that has (J)'s meds mixed in it. the nurse asked me if i can feed (J) but i told her i don't know how and she looked surprised and repeated what i said:
"you don't know how?"
"yes, i don't know how, i'm sorry" i replied. i felt useless at that very moment, lol
"you're just here to visit?"
"yeah", trying to hid my embarassment, lol
"oh, i thought you're an aid"
hmmm.... i wonder if they know about volunteers visiting the patients or if i'm really expected to feed the patient and help with meds. i sure remember my coordinator telling us that we're just there for emotional support nothing else.
=== (T) ===
last stop was (T). he's in his room sleeping. i grabbed a chair (i wish all rooms have chairs, lol) and i think i woke him up because of that. i introduced myself. said my hello and asked him how he was. he's not responsive like (P) but he says "thank you" and "hello" a lot. so anyway, i sat right next to his bed and showed him some pictures of deers and read to him the description. he tried grabbing the book from me so i gave it to him but he can't really hold something with his hand so it just fell on the side of his bed. then i asked him if he wants me to read him a book. he didn't reply and i saw his eyes slowly closing. but i was like, what the heck i'll just read to him. when i started reading he opened his eyes right away and after a few minutes started dozing off again and then he would open his eyes again as if he just remembered i was there and he would doze off again... that's pretty much what happened while i was there. when it's time to leave i said my goodbye and he started saying "hello" over and over until i left the room.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
2 new hospice patients
from 3:00 - 5:00pm
i have 2 new patients for my hospice volunteer thingie, 1 male (T) and another female (J)...... i now have 4 in all......
so how was it?
i went to visit on sunday instead of the usual saturday because i was swamped last saturday with practices and errands and a friend's bday..... i just had to sacrifice some of my other sunday activities/obligations so i could do my hospice visits.......
=== (I) ===
as usual i had fun visiting (I)... when she saw me the first thing she asked me to do is to wheel her up and down the hallway which i so willingly obliged.... she liked it when you put your chin on her knee while she tells her stories.....i usually sit on the floor infront of her and i like staring at her eyes that's why i get tempted to rest my chin on her lap...... when i do that she'll lift both her hands towards me to cup my face with her hands, i like how that feels, she's a sweetheart...... she kept asking me "are you leaving?" to which i always said no but it did made it harder to say goodbye when it was really time to leave...
=== (T) ===
i visited (T) next...it was supposed to be (P) but the nurse was changing her when i peeked into P's room.... (T) was at the dining room watching tv....he's not on a wheelchair, he was lying on a chair that looks like a portable bed.... anyway, i introduced myself, touched his hand and and he just kept saying "thank you" and i just kept saying "you're most welcome".....i just stood beside him at the dining room rubbing his left arm most of the time because he looked like he's intently watching what's on the TV......
=== (J) ===
after i left (T) i went to look for (J)'s room....it turned out (J) was just behind me while i was with (T)..... (J)'s a very pleasant woman.... she started kinda giggling when i introduced myself that i'm her new friend.... i asked how she's been and she replied but i really didnt understand what she said..... note to self: don't ask her too many questions...she was touching her throat while she talks, that it looked like talking is bothering her..... anyway, i just rubbed her arms, held hands with her..... i was teasing her that her hands were cold and i would start "sandwiching" her hand with mine to make it warm and she would start to chuckle...... she has a very kind face and you can see from her eyes how glad she is that you're there sitting right next to her......
=== (P) ===
last patient i visited is (P)... i found her awake when i peeked into her room......i introduced myself to her again because i'm not sure if she recognizes me or remembers me since most of my patients has dementia...... i asked how she's been, which i really think is an inappropriate question but sometimes out of habit i would just blurt that question out......anyway, this time she let me touch her hand (remember, she used to make a fist everytime i touch her hand?).... she looked like she's bothered with strands of her hair falling down her face so i had to help her tie her hair in a bun, (well, somewhat a bun because i don't have a rubber band with me and even if i do i'm not sure if that would feel comfortable) to which strands of hair would just start falling down her face again every after few minutes that i have to redo the bun ever so often to keep the strands of hair from falling on her face...... she also kept rubbing her left eye, i think that's bothering her too........ anyway, i read to her for a bit (i brought lord of the flies).... i complimented her purple nail polish again but i noticed it has started to chip off so i asked her if she wants me to bring a nail polish next time so we could try another color..... i wasnt sure if her moving her head means a yes or a no but i had to ask my volunteer coordinator if i could do that...... i also complimented her ring, she looked pleased when i told her the ring looked really pretty and that i like its intricate details.....
well, i guess that's it for now... till next week....
oh btw, my coordinator was asking me if i can do visits at doylestown....i'm visiting patients from the lansdale facility which is a 30-min drive from where i live and doylestown is another 7-minute drive which is really no biggie so i'll prolly say yes as long as they're ok that i can only do visits, at most, 2 hours every weekend which also meant 4 patients a week.....
p.s.
why am i doing this?
i just need to do something worthwhile..
i have been wanting to join a volunteer org back in the philippines
(breakfast club, kythe, pugad sa busko, etc) but i never got the chance....
and being an SFC (singles for christ) is not enough for me.... i need
"practical applications"
i have 2 new patients for my hospice volunteer thingie, 1 male (T) and another female (J)...... i now have 4 in all......
so how was it?
i went to visit on sunday instead of the usual saturday because i was swamped last saturday with practices and errands and a friend's bday..... i just had to sacrifice some of my other sunday activities/obligations so i could do my hospice visits.......
=== (I) ===
as usual i had fun visiting (I)... when she saw me the first thing she asked me to do is to wheel her up and down the hallway which i so willingly obliged.... she liked it when you put your chin on her knee while she tells her stories.....i usually sit on the floor infront of her and i like staring at her eyes that's why i get tempted to rest my chin on her lap...... when i do that she'll lift both her hands towards me to cup my face with her hands, i like how that feels, she's a sweetheart...... she kept asking me "are you leaving?" to which i always said no but it did made it harder to say goodbye when it was really time to leave...
=== (T) ===
i visited (T) next...it was supposed to be (P) but the nurse was changing her when i peeked into P's room.... (T) was at the dining room watching tv....he's not on a wheelchair, he was lying on a chair that looks like a portable bed.... anyway, i introduced myself, touched his hand and and he just kept saying "thank you" and i just kept saying "you're most welcome".....i just stood beside him at the dining room rubbing his left arm most of the time because he looked like he's intently watching what's on the TV......
=== (J) ===
after i left (T) i went to look for (J)'s room....it turned out (J) was just behind me while i was with (T)..... (J)'s a very pleasant woman.... she started kinda giggling when i introduced myself that i'm her new friend.... i asked how she's been and she replied but i really didnt understand what she said..... note to self: don't ask her too many questions...she was touching her throat while she talks, that it looked like talking is bothering her..... anyway, i just rubbed her arms, held hands with her..... i was teasing her that her hands were cold and i would start "sandwiching" her hand with mine to make it warm and she would start to chuckle...... she has a very kind face and you can see from her eyes how glad she is that you're there sitting right next to her......
=== (P) ===
last patient i visited is (P)... i found her awake when i peeked into her room......i introduced myself to her again because i'm not sure if she recognizes me or remembers me since most of my patients has dementia...... i asked how she's been, which i really think is an inappropriate question but sometimes out of habit i would just blurt that question out......anyway, this time she let me touch her hand (remember, she used to make a fist everytime i touch her hand?).... she looked like she's bothered with strands of her hair falling down her face so i had to help her tie her hair in a bun, (well, somewhat a bun because i don't have a rubber band with me and even if i do i'm not sure if that would feel comfortable) to which strands of hair would just start falling down her face again every after few minutes that i have to redo the bun ever so often to keep the strands of hair from falling on her face...... she also kept rubbing her left eye, i think that's bothering her too........ anyway, i read to her for a bit (i brought lord of the flies).... i complimented her purple nail polish again but i noticed it has started to chip off so i asked her if she wants me to bring a nail polish next time so we could try another color..... i wasnt sure if her moving her head means a yes or a no but i had to ask my volunteer coordinator if i could do that...... i also complimented her ring, she looked pleased when i told her the ring looked really pretty and that i like its intricate details.....
well, i guess that's it for now... till next week....
oh btw, my coordinator was asking me if i can do visits at doylestown....i'm visiting patients from the lansdale facility which is a 30-min drive from where i live and doylestown is another 7-minute drive which is really no biggie so i'll prolly say yes as long as they're ok that i can only do visits, at most, 2 hours every weekend which also meant 4 patients a week.....
p.s.
why am i doing this?
i just need to do something worthwhile..
i have been wanting to join a volunteer org back in the philippines
(breakfast club, kythe, pugad sa busko, etc) but i never got the chance....
and being an SFC (singles for christ) is not enough for me.... i need
"practical applications"
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
A passed away
i was told yesterday that A passed away last sunday (aug 2, 2009)....
may the perpetual light shine upon her...
may she rest in peace...
may the perpetual light shine upon her...
may she rest in peace...
Sunday, August 2, 2009
in the beginning...
i thought i should journal my visits at the hospice to immortalize the experiences.....
i started volunteering at the hospice on february 14, 2009....yes, valentines day.... that's when they started the volunteer training.......
i had to wait very long before i finally got my assignment....... there's the drug test, a tuberculosis test (which is really a pain in the butt), a background check and a LOT of paperwork......... so i usually would just attend meetings and discussions..... when i finally got my assignment it was worth the wait......
i have 3 patients.... let's call them I, A and P.
I:
it was my first visit with I...... she's not in her room so i have to ask the nurse where she is and the nurse pointed me to the cute old lady in green shirt sitting on a wheel chair in the dining room..... ah, finally, someone who's not sleeping (the first 2 patients i visited before her were all sleeping)..... i can hear her talking from where i was standing--- good, i told myself, that's a good sign...
so i walked slowly to where she is and when i was close enough i introduced myself ("hi I, my name is M, i'm your new friend")........ she suddenly stopped talking and i saw her head slowly drop........... oh boy, i think she doesn't like me......... i knelt on the floor at her left side so we could be at eye level, also so that she can hear me clearly........ i looked at her face and wasn't sure if she's sleeping or her eyes were just closed but i took my chances and asked her: "do you want to make a trip? (i got a tip that she likes being wheeled around on her wheel chair)..... she didn't reply and i wasn't sure if it's just my imagination but i think i saw her dropped her head another inch lower......
hmmm, what to do?
i decided to move at her right side and decided that i'll sit on the floor right next to her........... so i just sat there watching her face, observing her facial expressions............. after a few minutes i was convinced that she's already sleeping....... the other two old ladies sharing the same table with I in the dining room were also sleeping.............. so i just sat there and waited........
waited.... waited.... waited....
i wanted so much to touch her hand that time but i was too scared........... she dropped her head when she heard my voice, what will she do if i started touching her hand? i waited for a bit..... trying to muster enough courage......... then finally i gave in........ i mean, what's the worst that can happen right? atleast i should try so i would know what my next move should be...... so i slowly lifted my hand and very slowly i inched towards where her hand is resting (on her lap)........ boy, her hand's cold...... then she opened her eyes and even before i start to panic she started telling stories as if she'd known me for a long time--- whew!
i liked her right away........ she's a talker and with a very animated facial expressions......... i started stroking her hands while she tells me her stores and then she said: "that's really nice", gawd, im sure glad to hear that! then she talked some more........and some more........and some more............ then she started pushing her wheelchair (using her feet) so i asked her if she wants to make a trip............ she didn't reply but she kept pushing her wheelchair so i took that as my cue........
i pushed her wheelchair up and down the third floor only stopping when we see a window........... when we stop on windows i would ask her to tell me what she saw.........so she told me she's seeing trees and houses and that the place really looks familiar, that it looks like she's been there before, she reminds me of "the notebook"......... and she started telling me stories again..............all i heard are unfinished stories so i really didnt understand any of it but i like watching how her face looks when she tells her stories........ even if i sometimes don't understand a word she's saying her facial expression would tell me if it's a happy or a sad story........
i'm always fascinated by a person's eye color......... and i was looking at her eye very intently figuring out what color it is...... i think it's green with a speck of something else....... the few specks looks like a few glitters sprinkled on her eyes.......... so i told her she has pretty eyes and she said "really!?" oh, how her face lit up! i said: "yes, my eye color looks really boring"
then she told me that she's still pretty and i said "yes, that's very true" and she said "really?!" again.......... its really funny how she says that, she looked like a lil school girl....... while we talk infront of the window i would sit, well, more like squatting, next to her and i would stroke his hand and she really liked that because she just kept saying: "that really feels nice"..........oh, another thing that i really find cute, she also keeps telling me that i should sit on her lap, lol.................. i think she offered me that for like three times, lol and as tempting as that may sound, ofcourse i wouldn't so, i ended up stroking her knees/lap instead............
when it's time to leave i wheeled her back to the dining room and then i told her that i have to go but that i'll be back and you know what she said "you better be!"....... ah, that's priceless!
A
i went to her room after i tried going to P's (P's sleeping when i went to her room) but had to leave because the nurse is changing her clothes........... when i got back after visiting I she looked like she's sleeping but I took my chances and i tried introducing myself, that's when she opened her eyes................ she's so frail................... from the record given to me, it says there she's deaf and blind.................
anyway,
so she opened her eyes........... there are foams around her bed, i guess that's because she kept falling......... i knelt down on one of the foams beside her bed and i started stroking her hand........... i don't know what else to do........... i just kept looking at her face.......... lots of thoughts just came flooding on my head....thoughts like how she would see God face to face soon........... that maybe I should tell her to say hi to God for me......... i was thinking how it would feel like if i know I would see God soon.......... i was thinking if she would remember my touch or my voice when it's time for me to see God face to face and would she greet me "there" and a lot other things............ lol, i know, i know, i'm being my melodramatic self again............... no, i didnt tell her any of these....... these were just thoughts on my head while i was watching her face.......
anyway.....
she really looked weak and frail that i move really slow because i was afraid that I might break her if i add even a tiny bit of pressure.................. then i tried to tuck the lose strands of her hair to her ear but her hair is short so i have to do it like 3 times.............. then i noticed how her eyes would start closing slowly whenever i do that so i figured maybe she liked that so i started stroking her hair using my two fingers............. i just ran my two fingers thru her hair from her temple down to the back of her ear and down the tip of her ear............. i just used two of my fingers because like i said, she looked so fragile that it felt like i will break her if i use more than two fingers.......... so anyway, i just kept doing that.......... then i stopped because i have to scratch my nose (the tip of my nose, not inside, fyi) then she suddenly opened her eyes.......... then i started stroking her hair again and slowly she started closing her eyes again............ so i did that until it's time to go..........
when it's time to go i told her that i'll be back........... i'm actually sad to go............ it just feels like i have to be there to protect her............ she just look really weak.... yeah i know, i've said that for like a million times already, but it's true............
P:
i was planning to visit P first but when i saw her sleeping (and she was snoring too) i ended up visiting I first.............. when i'm done visiting I and A i went to her room and she's still sleeping................. but i wasnt sure if she's really sleeping or she just has her eyes closed so I took my chances again, walk beside her bed and introduced myself........ she didn't budge........... yep, sleeping.......
so i just knelt right next to her bed.............. and just watched her face............ i was wondering how old she is because i don't see much wrinkles................. and i was looking at how her legs (her knee down to her toes are exposed) still looks smooth............. well i guess the legs are the last thing to get old............ then i was wondering if she liked it that way, i mean that her legs are exposed or if i should cover it up...............then i saw her purple nail polish............. hmm, maybe i should bring a nail polish next time?
mostly that's what i did, i just watched her sleep............. then she woke up! (maybe she had sensed that someone's there) and the first thing she did is to drink the glycema something that's on her bed (i forgot what the label says)................. i watched her drink and then i introduced myself to her again................ she's not responding which is fine because i was told that she really doesn't respond that much................. i started stroking her hand but she made ball of fist so i stopped................ after a few minutes i tried again, she made a ball of fist again so i stopped again................. i'm not a quitter so i tried again, still, another fist............. that's fine, i'm a stranger........... hopefully on my next visits she would allow me to touch her hand..................
it was kinda awkward because i don't know what else to do........... i was racking my brains what to tell her but nothing so i just stayed there and watched her................ there are times that i would get scared when all i could see are whites of her eyes because she would roll her eyes all the way up but then i would remember how my brother sleeps that way too although i wasn't really sure if she's trying to sleep or if i should call the nurse and then i heard her snore............... i waited a few more minutes then i left........... i would see her again next saturday..........
i'll visit P and I again next week...... i have to visit P 4x a month.... 3x a month for I and 2x a month for A.....
i started volunteering at the hospice on february 14, 2009....yes, valentines day.... that's when they started the volunteer training.......
i had to wait very long before i finally got my assignment....... there's the drug test, a tuberculosis test (which is really a pain in the butt), a background check and a LOT of paperwork......... so i usually would just attend meetings and discussions..... when i finally got my assignment it was worth the wait......
i have 3 patients.... let's call them I, A and P.
I:
it was my first visit with I...... she's not in her room so i have to ask the nurse where she is and the nurse pointed me to the cute old lady in green shirt sitting on a wheel chair in the dining room..... ah, finally, someone who's not sleeping (the first 2 patients i visited before her were all sleeping)..... i can hear her talking from where i was standing--- good, i told myself, that's a good sign...
so i walked slowly to where she is and when i was close enough i introduced myself ("hi I, my name is M, i'm your new friend")........ she suddenly stopped talking and i saw her head slowly drop........... oh boy, i think she doesn't like me......... i knelt on the floor at her left side so we could be at eye level, also so that she can hear me clearly........ i looked at her face and wasn't sure if she's sleeping or her eyes were just closed but i took my chances and asked her: "do you want to make a trip? (i got a tip that she likes being wheeled around on her wheel chair)..... she didn't reply and i wasn't sure if it's just my imagination but i think i saw her dropped her head another inch lower......
hmmm, what to do?
i decided to move at her right side and decided that i'll sit on the floor right next to her........... so i just sat there watching her face, observing her facial expressions............. after a few minutes i was convinced that she's already sleeping....... the other two old ladies sharing the same table with I in the dining room were also sleeping.............. so i just sat there and waited........
waited.... waited.... waited....
i wanted so much to touch her hand that time but i was too scared........... she dropped her head when she heard my voice, what will she do if i started touching her hand? i waited for a bit..... trying to muster enough courage......... then finally i gave in........ i mean, what's the worst that can happen right? atleast i should try so i would know what my next move should be...... so i slowly lifted my hand and very slowly i inched towards where her hand is resting (on her lap)........ boy, her hand's cold...... then she opened her eyes and even before i start to panic she started telling stories as if she'd known me for a long time--- whew!
i liked her right away........ she's a talker and with a very animated facial expressions......... i started stroking her hands while she tells me her stores and then she said: "that's really nice", gawd, im sure glad to hear that! then she talked some more........and some more........and some more............ then she started pushing her wheelchair (using her feet) so i asked her if she wants to make a trip............ she didn't reply but she kept pushing her wheelchair so i took that as my cue........
i pushed her wheelchair up and down the third floor only stopping when we see a window........... when we stop on windows i would ask her to tell me what she saw.........so she told me she's seeing trees and houses and that the place really looks familiar, that it looks like she's been there before, she reminds me of "the notebook"......... and she started telling me stories again..............all i heard are unfinished stories so i really didnt understand any of it but i like watching how her face looks when she tells her stories........ even if i sometimes don't understand a word she's saying her facial expression would tell me if it's a happy or a sad story........
i'm always fascinated by a person's eye color......... and i was looking at her eye very intently figuring out what color it is...... i think it's green with a speck of something else....... the few specks looks like a few glitters sprinkled on her eyes.......... so i told her she has pretty eyes and she said "really!?" oh, how her face lit up! i said: "yes, my eye color looks really boring"
then she told me that she's still pretty and i said "yes, that's very true" and she said "really?!" again.......... its really funny how she says that, she looked like a lil school girl....... while we talk infront of the window i would sit, well, more like squatting, next to her and i would stroke his hand and she really liked that because she just kept saying: "that really feels nice"..........oh, another thing that i really find cute, she also keeps telling me that i should sit on her lap, lol.................. i think she offered me that for like three times, lol and as tempting as that may sound, ofcourse i wouldn't so, i ended up stroking her knees/lap instead............
when it's time to leave i wheeled her back to the dining room and then i told her that i have to go but that i'll be back and you know what she said "you better be!"....... ah, that's priceless!
A
i went to her room after i tried going to P's (P's sleeping when i went to her room) but had to leave because the nurse is changing her clothes........... when i got back after visiting I she looked like she's sleeping but I took my chances and i tried introducing myself, that's when she opened her eyes................ she's so frail................... from the record given to me, it says there she's deaf and blind.................
anyway,
so she opened her eyes........... there are foams around her bed, i guess that's because she kept falling......... i knelt down on one of the foams beside her bed and i started stroking her hand........... i don't know what else to do........... i just kept looking at her face.......... lots of thoughts just came flooding on my head....thoughts like how she would see God face to face soon........... that maybe I should tell her to say hi to God for me......... i was thinking how it would feel like if i know I would see God soon.......... i was thinking if she would remember my touch or my voice when it's time for me to see God face to face and would she greet me "there" and a lot other things............ lol, i know, i know, i'm being my melodramatic self again............... no, i didnt tell her any of these....... these were just thoughts on my head while i was watching her face.......
anyway.....
she really looked weak and frail that i move really slow because i was afraid that I might break her if i add even a tiny bit of pressure.................. then i tried to tuck the lose strands of her hair to her ear but her hair is short so i have to do it like 3 times.............. then i noticed how her eyes would start closing slowly whenever i do that so i figured maybe she liked that so i started stroking her hair using my two fingers............. i just ran my two fingers thru her hair from her temple down to the back of her ear and down the tip of her ear............. i just used two of my fingers because like i said, she looked so fragile that it felt like i will break her if i use more than two fingers.......... so anyway, i just kept doing that.......... then i stopped because i have to scratch my nose (the tip of my nose, not inside, fyi) then she suddenly opened her eyes.......... then i started stroking her hair again and slowly she started closing her eyes again............ so i did that until it's time to go..........
when it's time to go i told her that i'll be back........... i'm actually sad to go............ it just feels like i have to be there to protect her............ she just look really weak.... yeah i know, i've said that for like a million times already, but it's true............
P:
i was planning to visit P first but when i saw her sleeping (and she was snoring too) i ended up visiting I first.............. when i'm done visiting I and A i went to her room and she's still sleeping................. but i wasnt sure if she's really sleeping or she just has her eyes closed so I took my chances again, walk beside her bed and introduced myself........ she didn't budge........... yep, sleeping.......
so i just knelt right next to her bed.............. and just watched her face............ i was wondering how old she is because i don't see much wrinkles................. and i was looking at how her legs (her knee down to her toes are exposed) still looks smooth............. well i guess the legs are the last thing to get old............ then i was wondering if she liked it that way, i mean that her legs are exposed or if i should cover it up...............then i saw her purple nail polish............. hmm, maybe i should bring a nail polish next time?
mostly that's what i did, i just watched her sleep............. then she woke up! (maybe she had sensed that someone's there) and the first thing she did is to drink the glycema something that's on her bed (i forgot what the label says)................. i watched her drink and then i introduced myself to her again................ she's not responding which is fine because i was told that she really doesn't respond that much................. i started stroking her hand but she made ball of fist so i stopped................ after a few minutes i tried again, she made a ball of fist again so i stopped again................. i'm not a quitter so i tried again, still, another fist............. that's fine, i'm a stranger........... hopefully on my next visits she would allow me to touch her hand..................
it was kinda awkward because i don't know what else to do........... i was racking my brains what to tell her but nothing so i just stayed there and watched her................ there are times that i would get scared when all i could see are whites of her eyes because she would roll her eyes all the way up but then i would remember how my brother sleeps that way too although i wasn't really sure if she's trying to sleep or if i should call the nurse and then i heard her snore............... i waited a few more minutes then i left........... i would see her again next saturday..........
i'll visit P and I again next week...... i have to visit P 4x a month.... 3x a month for I and 2x a month for A.....
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