when am i getting out of here

oct. 24, 2009 - 1:30-2:30 - saturday


==== T ====

I found (T) sitting on his padded wheelchair at the dining hall sleeping. He looked a little older each time i visit him. I tried touching his shoulder when I said hi to him and told him why i was there but he didn't nudge. i tried again and still the same. so i just sat with him again while he's sleeping tapping his shoulders every now and then to atleast let him know of my presence.



==== J ====

I went to (J) next. She's also sitting at the dining hall watching t.v. I said hi to her and she's pleasant as usual smiling at me and all. She tried saying something but she stopped. Don't know if she lost her trail of thought. Anyway, I made small talks. She would usually reply by smiling or winking at me. I gave her a tissue when she started coughing and some green mucus came out from her nose and she started wiping some on the table. The funny part was she asked what that is when I gave her the tissue and she started kinda playing w/ it.



==== P ====
(P) was on her room lying down sideways on her bed with her shoes still on. I knocked at her door and said hello and told her I'm there to visit her. Since there's no chair I started setting up my portable chair and sat at her bed side. The first thing she said was "When am i getting out of here?". Poor (P). I think she's really getting bored at the hospital. So anyway, I sat there touching her knees and arms and I asked her if she wants me to read for her. She mumbled something so I'm assuming that's ok, because normally if she doesn't like it she'll just flat out say "no". So I went to get the book and started reading for her.


===== I ====
I was about to visit (I) next and was preparing to leave (P)'s room when I heard another volunteer (the guy who does reiki) looking for (I). So I'm skipping it today and I'll just come back tomorrow. I have other engagements to attend to today that I don't think I can wait til the other volunteer is done or i'll be late.

oh, that's a nice house

oct 17 2009 - sat - 10:30am-11:45am


==== T ====
(T) was in the dining hall sleeping. I tried to wake him up by rubbing his shoulders but his eyes just stayed shut. I ended up just sitting next to him and just rubbing his shoulders every now and then.


==== J ====
(J) was in the same dining hall as (T) is and we just sat together and watch tv with some small talks during commercial breaks.



==== I ====
(I) was kinda making small talks to the other elderly at the same table she is. I'm not sure if she's talking to any one in particular but I just noticed that none of them is really paying attention. So anyway, I said hello and she said "there you are" and I asked her if she wants to be wheeled around although that's what I really intend to do, I just want to ask her that as a polite gesture. So I wheeled her up and down the hall. I think she likes it when we stop on windows because whenever we do that she looked like she's trying to get up and then she would say something like "oh that's a nice house".


==== P ====
I saw (P) sitting on the couch at the (3rd) floor dining hall. Half of her body was resting on the sofa's arm chair. I said hello to her and she acknowledged it by mumbling something. I asked how she is and she said something that sounded like "ok". She was smiling when I saw her that morning which is a rare treat for me.


==== C ====

I saw (C) with his sister so I decided to visit him last. When it was time he's already sleeping but I managed to somehow made him open his eyes for a brief time and I did hear something that resembles a “hello”. He looks really weak and fragile. He kind of reminds me of Ana, my first patient. So anyway, I sat beside his bed watching him sleep. When I touched his hand again he opened his eyes and I complimented his toys. He seemed to really like the dog stuffed toy because after I told him his toys are cute he tucked the dog under his arms.

can i keep you?

october 11, 2009 (9:00 - 10:20am)


=== T ===
i don't like routinary things so i usually visit my patients not in the same order...
i visited (T) first and he was at the dining room facing the t.v., asleep.... i said hi to him but he didnt open his eyes....i tried again, louder this time, same thing....i just sat to the the chair next to him and would just rub his left shoulder from time to time....


=== P ===
i saw (P) in the dining hall sitting on a couch, her eyes closed....when i said hi i think i startled her and she looked at me surprised....the first thing she asked is "where's my sister?".... i learned my lesson, this time i said "i'm sorry (P), i don't know where she is"..... she just closed her eyes again.... i just sat next to her rubbing her shoulders from time to time.... she would open her eyes every now and then and ask for her sister but that's about it....she was calm that day....


=== I ===
(I) is also in the dining room and i was watching her talking to another elderly woman while i was sitting with (P).... i also heard her sing some march thing that i used to hear my grand father play when i was just a lil girl..... i have to take note of that....

anyway, when it's time for (I) i saw that very welcoming smile again and heard her say "oh there you are!"..... there's a cute teddy bear sitting on the dining table infront of her that i saw her playing with while i was with (P) and i complimented how cute the teddy bear is and she just said she doesn't know who that belongs to.... anyway, i just let her talk most of the time, she likes talking.... then she asked how are we related and i told her i'm her friend then she said "oh, can i keep you?" to which i replied "yes, ofcourse"...and she replied with "oh, good! good!" ......


=== J ===
she's not in the dining room so i went to her room ...... i knocked at the door and saw her room on her bed sleeping.... she opened her eyes and smiled at me when she saw me.... i sat next to her bed and she just looked at me as if confused why i'm there....so i had to repeat to her that i'm there to visit her....she said "oh, yeah?" and then smiled at me....she was lying with her back on the bed and her head was tilted a bit to face me and she just stared at me and i was just smiling at her but she looked like she was contemplating on whether she'll make a conversation (which she normally does) or if she'll just snooze.....and then she tilt her head facing the ceiling again and closed her eyes....yeah, she decided to sleep..... i stayed there for a bit.... i was starting to sneeze like crazy so i decided to cut my visit short before i give her colds....

get me out of here

Oct 8, 2009 (thurs) - 4:30pm - 5:50pm

=== T ===
(T) is in his room and I was surprise to see how frail he looked.... he was tucked inside the blanket and i can only see his face..... i said hi but he just opened his eyes briefly..... i told him i'll read to him again and did just that.... when it's time to go i said goodbye but i guess he's already sleeping because
he didn't open his eyes...



=== J ===
(J)'s in the dining hall and she's not touching her dinner...
we just chatted for a bit and watched tv the whole time...




=== I ===


it was dinner when i got to (I) and so I just watched the other male nurse while he feeds her because (I) is not eating.... it was kinda entertaining watching the nurse and (I) exchange small talks while (I) was being fed... the way the nurse would tease (I) that she's stubborn ( (I) just suddenly decided her food is not clean & won't eat it) and how (I) would make faces because of that looked really funny to me.... it was also funny how (I) suddenly told the nurse she doesn't like how the food tastes when she just said a minute ago that the food is tasty and the nurse would retorted back telling her: "are you pulling my leg (I)?" and (I) replied "blech! i'll give you your leg back", lol.... she's a darling....


=== P ===

she was sitting at the edge of the bed, both her foot on the floor but half her body is lying on the bed with her food untouched..... when i knocked and said hi to her she bolted up and screamed "get me out of here!" with her eyes all wide..... i was kinda shocked ofcourse, i've never seen her that angry before....

so i walked closer to her and rubbed her back and whispered "everything's ok" a few times....but she just kept screaming "get me out of here" and the "i want my sister, where's my sister"..... i told her she just left for a bit but she'll be back and she said "no! you keep saying that"....eek! i dont know what to say after that.... and then she continued screaming again and then she started crying...... oh boy, oh boy.... i dont like seeing anyone cry infront of me....that's just my weakness..... so i rubbed her back again and smoothed her hair and i gently told her to stop crying because she's starting to make me cry too.... but she just continue saying to get her out of that place..... poor, poor (P)..... i know she's getting lonely and bored there..... but she needs to be there where she can be taken cared of better with the nurses and the aids..... then she started screaming that i should call the police because her house is burning..... and she kinda mentioned her father between calling the police and the house burning....... anyway, when she calmed down that's when i left....i told her to take a rest and that we'll go find her sister....

last for september

Sept 28, 2009 (Mon) - 4:00 - 5:15pm


=== P ===
I visited (I) first but she has a visitor (her brother) and I dont want to interrupt so I decided to visit (P) first...she was sleeping when i knocked at her door but she did open her eyes when she heard my voice... i asked her how she's been and i saw a resemblance of a smile... she looked at me for a bit and fell asleep... i dont know what else to do so i just sat there next to her bed, watched her sleep and i just rub her hands and arms from time to time...



=== I ===
next was (I)...the first thing she said when she saw me was "oh there you are!"....i just wheeled her up and down the hall as usual... she looked upset when i saw her...she was talking about her brother not telling her something... i just reassured her that that's not true... i didnt hold her hands this time because she was scratching her legs and i can see it's getting irritated because blood is everywhere... i also noticed that she had a haircut... her hair looked fuller now which is good....



=== T ===
i was looking for T in the dining hall but he wasn't there so i went to his room... he was sleeping when i entered but he did open his eyes when he heard my voice... he started telling me something which sounded french, i'm not sure, but i am very sure it's not english... anyway, i just smiled at him while he talks then when he stopped i told him i am going to read to him... i read to him until it's time to go.



=== J ===
(J) was not in the dining room also where i would usually find her and i haven't been to her room so i asked one of the nurses where her room is.... her room is just right next to (T)...she was lying sideways when i saw her... i greeted her and she was all smiles again... i asked her how she is and she said she's fine... i saw a big photo frame on a cabinet next to her bed and i know that's hers... i saw pretty smiling faces on the photos and i told her about it...she just said yeah, yeah...although im not sure if she knows who those in the pictures are... i was tempted to ask her who they are but i figured that's not a good idea because it might upset her if she cant remember who they are because i can see from her face that she doesn't know if that photo frame is even hers (im sure it's hers, one photo of a young lady looks like her grand daughter and she looks like her!)..we just talked for a bit... i did most of the talking... she would also try to say something and she would make fun of herself whenever she starts to stutter... when it's time to leave i just told her i have to go because it's getting late and they will be serving dinner soon and i told her i'll be back and that she should wait for me and she just said "ok"...

p.s.
(J) is now also 4x a month


p.p.s
i received my portable chair last thursday!
and it made a lot of difference...no more
sitting on the floor!
here's how it looks like (click me)

two nail polish sessions

sept 20 ,2009 (sun) - 09:00 - 11:00am



=== T ===
i visited him first. he was sleeping the whole time i was there. i did try to say hi to him and introduced myself but i guess i was just white noise to him. so i just sat there next to him rubbing his shoulder once in a while just so he would feel my presence. when it was time to leave i just rubbed his shoulder one last time and whispered "bye T".



=== I ===
next stop was I. she's in the dining room all slouched down as usual. i said my hi to her and even though she can't remember me she still makes me feel like she wants me there to talk to her.

i started wheeling her up to the lounge area where i told her "it's time to try another color!" while showing her the plum-colored nail polish that i just bought. i removed the old pink nail polish first and then i started painting her nail with the plum colored one. she was quiet and was just watching me paint her nails when she suddenly made a funny comment, she asked: "are you kissing my hand?" with this lil girl's look on her face. i laughed at that and told her i was trying to make the nail polish to dry quickly (i was blowing on her nails). she does seemed to enjoy it whenever i do that because she would smile and she would put her forehead next to mine whenever i come real close to her face while i blow the nail polish dry. i actually liked that. this visit thing is a good therapy for me too.

anyway, after we're done i took a photo of her hands with the new nail polish and i started to wheel her up and down the hall stopping on windows and playing "what do you see" game.



=== P ===
next was P. i saw the nurse helping her out of her room to go to the dining hall. she was smiling when i saw her. i've never seen her smile before. i think she liked her little walking trip. i watched while the nurse took her to a nearby sit. she got me worried for a bit when i saw how P was trying to feel where the chair was with her body already kind of leaning forward getting ready to sit and with her heels rocking back and forth trying to maintain her balance while the nurse who was helping her was talking to another nurse with her back on P. i almost ran to where P was but there's a trash bin in between me & the nurse and P. but it was a relief when i saw her maintained her balance and was already trying to sit slowly and! still smiling.

whew!

i was making sure the nurse was done with P before i started walking towards P and tried to excuse and squeeze in between the 2 nurses. then i said hi to P and that's when i saw her wrinkles for the first time. remember how i thought her skin was smooth when i saw her the first time? maybe it was gravity that's why i can't see the wrinkles (she was always lying down on her bed when i visit her). anyway, that's when i realized she is old.

i talked to her for a bit. asking her how she's been and she started looking for frances? i'm not sure if i heard her right. but she kept asking for frances and the "where's my sister at?". so maybe frances is her sister's name? anyway, i told her i have something for her and we're having a nail polish session while i held and rub her hand. she looked relax that time and she just willingly rested her hand on my thigh while i painted her nails. when i was almost done a minister walked up to us and asked me if i'm a family of P and told him i'm a friend and was there to visit P. the minister made some pleasant comments and then he started asking P if she wants to receive her communion to which she said yes. so the minister started reading some verses from the bible while i just sat there (the minister said it's ok for me to stay) and watched P received her communion. then the minister left and P and I went back to our nail polish session. after we're done i stayed there for a bit more, rubbing her hands and then said my goodbye.





=== J ===
one of the nurses in the nursing section saw me when i peeked into the dining hall ( was looking for J) and asked me if they can help me with something. that's when i saw where J was.

i saw J on a heavy looking wheel chair just outside the dining hall door, near the nurses section, with a finished cup of pudding-like medicine on her hand and sleeping. so i immediately told the nurse i came for J then went to where J is. one of the nurses asked me what my position in that hospice is and i wasnt sure if it was just my imagination but she doesn't looked pleased at me. but when i said i was just a volunteer doing visits for some patients that's when her facial expression changed (and so is the other nurse who's sitting next to her). then i saw some level of comprehension on her face. i wonder if it's because she was sort of expecting that i should be wearing a scrubs uniform (i was there wearing a dressy shorts and a blouse). i wear shorts or skirts or dress when i make my visits because it's easier for me to move.

anyway, so i squatted right next to where J's wheel chair is and said hi to her and she woke up. i saw that welcoming smile again which always reminded me why i like doing my visits. she smiled and then said: "i don't know you". i was a bit surprised because she would usually remember me when i visit her, well atleast that's what i thought because she never asks me who i am. but that's fine, that's expected. so i told her i'm her friend and i was there to visit her and she just replied "oh".

then i asked the nurses if she's scheduled for something, like for a bath or whatever and if i can wheel her up and down the hall for a bit. i had to ask because i wasn't sure why she's outside the dining hall unattended and if she's there just waiting for her turn for a bath or to get changed. but the nurses gave me a go signal and so i wheeled her up the hallway.

we stopped at a window and i talked to her for a bit. then i stood behind her lightly rubbing her shoulder and back with my thumb while we both looked at the trees and cars passing outside the window. then she dozed off. i just did that lightly rubbing thing until it's time to go.

i guess that's it for now.

the pink nail polish

sept 13, 2009 (sunday)
10:00 - 11:30am


=== I ===
she was at the dining hall, as usual. when she saw me the first thing she asked is if i'm staying. i told her i'll be staying for a while to visit her and we started up and down the hall again with her wheelchair. and then we stopped on the lounge near the elevator and i told her i have a surprise for her. i showed her all the nail polish colors that i have and i asked her which color she wants and she just shrugged. so i picked baby pink for her. i bought cheerful colors and not the usual old women's color but i think i may have to rethink that and buy a couple of conservative colors. so anyway, i applied nail polish on her nails but just a very thin coat. she have been good and she just watched me while i do her nails. i think she liked it when i started blowing on her nails to make the nail polish to dry quickly bec she smiled when i did that. when it's time to go, i said my goodbyes but i told her i'll come back and she replied with "will you?" and i said "yes! and we'll try another nail polish color next time". and she smiled and told me to take it easy.



=== T ===
i went to (T) next because (P)'s room is closed and i was thinking they might be changing her clothes or something. (T) is in the dining hall sleeping. i said hi to him but he just very briefly opened his eyes and went back to sleeping. i just sat next to him rubbing his shoulder whenever he opens his eyes just to let him know i'm still there sitting next to him.


=== P ===
last stop is (P). she was also sleeping when i got to her room. she was sleeping on her side which is not the position i would normally see her. but anyway, i greeted her and she opened her eyes. she was calm for a while and she started complaining about her shirt. she keeps holding her shirt and she's saying something like "take it off". i tried to rearrange her shirt (it's a long sleeves) and i tried to pull up the sleeves because she might be just feeling hot but she still looked uncomfortable with her shirt. anyway, i was planning to do her nails too but she moves a lot, tossing and turning (laying on her back then back on her sides then on her back again) and pulling her shirt, maybe next time.


=== J ===
no (J) today. she's 2x a month.
i'll visit her next week.



p.s.
i need to bring my camera next time
i want to take a picture of "my girls"
nails (just the nails, i need to protect
their identity) after our sorta manicure session.

nail polish session - not today

wednesday - sept 9, 2009 from 4:30 to 6:30pm



=== P ===

i found (P) sliding off from her bed while she's asking for help. i tried to call two nurses to help her out which they gladly did. when (P) started getting comfortable she started talking. well, atleast tried to talk. at first i didnt know what she's trying to say i keep hearing 'scissors' and i was like, what does she needs the scissors for? and she keeps trying to keep her hair away from her face so i thought that's why she's asking for scissors, because her hair is making her uncomfortable and maybe she wants to have it cut off. but after a few minutes i realized she's saying 'cesar' and she sounded like she's talking to someone. and i may have heard something like "im sorry cesar". i'm really not sure. it's really hard to understand what she's trying to say. anyway, she looked very anxious that day and instead of reading for her i ended up just watching her and trying to help her with her hair and i would just rub her hand and whisper "it's alright, it's alright", because she really looked like she's struggling over something. i've never seen her that anxious.



=== I ===

i went to see (I) next. she's in a very good mood as usual. i was laughing the whole time when she was trying to out do the other old lady infront of her who keeps screaming something unintelligible and (I) would be like, "i can do that better" and she will make sounds that sounded like a bird gurgling, *lol*. and then she started singing. she said she like that song very much. i wish i know what that song is so i could find an mp3 and have her listen to it the next time i visit. i tried to ask her if she remembered the title of the song but she would just keep on humming. i tried to hum with her but she would just laugh at me, *lol*


=== T ===

i found him sitting at the dining room dozing off. but he opened his eyes when i said hi to him. i did nothing but sit beside him and smile at him whenever he'll open his eyes to look at me.



=== J ===

(J) is also in the dining room w/ (T). she looked really pleased when she saw me. i like that. i was actually watching her from a short distance while i was sitting with (T) (i didn't think she saw me come inside the dining room), she was just sitting on her wheelchair and watching tv and she looked bored. but after i was done visiting (T) and went to her oh how she smiled! and she started talking although i still find it difficult to understand her when she talks but i somehow was able to make out some of the words she said like that one when she asked where i have been. i would try ask her questions about how she is, if she had dinner already and she would answer but then again it's really difficult for me to hear her well because of her soft voice and kind of nasal voice. i just try to nod and smile whenever she talks pretending i understood her and she would smile at me in return.



p.s.
see that photo...that's my hand... i figured if i put some on my nails it would be easier for them to decide w/c color to get... i brought several color of nail polish to bring it with me at the hospice so i could have some manicure session w/ my girls (except for (J), i can't do (J))... i asked (P) if she wants her nails done and i showed her the nail polish i brought and the colors on my nails but she said no...i was thinking of asking (I) the same question but dinner was about to be served so i can't... maybe on my next visit...

last visit

sept 1 (tues) 5:00-5:30pm

i was looking at my personal visit track sheet that i made from excel and i realized i just need to make one last visit for just one person for the month of august and i'm done.

(I) is 4x a month
(P) is 4x a month
(T) is 4x a month
(J) is 2x a month

i lack 1 visit for T because he was given to me a week after i started visiting (I) and (P) and so i went to see (T) yesterday after work (i have to come to work an hour early).

i arrived at the hospice 5 minutes before 5pm and they were serving dinner already. (T) wasn't in his room so i went to the dining hall. he was there watching tv. i said my hello and sat right next to him and we just watched tv together and later i just watched him eat. i didn't read to him that day since we're in the dining hall and it would be hard for him to hear me with the tv and other people talking.

that's it. nothing much to talk about.

oh, i asked my coordinator about the nail polish session. she gave me the go signal already. except that i can't do it for (J). i have to ask my coordinator for the go signal whenever i have to do something extra for the patients to make sure it would be harmless both for me and for the patient.

you are boring!

im getting bored with what i'm doing for my patients and im sure they're getting bored with me too, lol, so it's time to be creative!

here's what i have in mind so far:

1. manicure sessions
> need to buy different nail polish colors
2. do art works
> need to go to michaels to scout for safe and easy crafts/art that we can do
3. look for funny books to read
4. bring psp and watch funny movies/cartoons (problem: psp screen is too small...they might not see anything)
> need to look for UMDs
5. think of easy table games to play

hmm.... what else.... any suggestions?

i dont think i remember you

aug 24, 2009 - monday (yeah, was very busy last sat and sun)
5:00 - 6:30pm


=== (T) ===
i visited (T) first this time. he's sleeping when i saw him but when i entered the room he opened his eyes. i said my usual "hi, i'm here for a visit". he looked sleepy and cranky. i pulled one chair close to his bed and told him i'll read for him again. he dozes off while i read but he would wake up whenever i change my tone of voice (i have to change my tone of voice depending on what the character in the story is saying, lol). i didn't hear any hellos this time.



=== (I) ===
my favorite patient. she was sitting at the dining hall as usual. when i said hi to her she replied by telling me that she doesn't remember if she have met me. it's sad to hear that but that's how it is. she has dementia. anyway, i asked her how she is she replied: "i'm good and im hungry!" and she started laughing. she's really something. she must have been a lot of fun to be with when she was younger.

i want to wheel her up and down the hall again but the hospice is about to serve dinner so i just sat right next to her while we wait for her dinner to be served. i don't like staying at the dining hall because she can't hear me well and she gets confused by all the other people talking plus the tv.

she always talks about a lot of things when i visit but this time she mentioned something about children or having a baby a lot and she would tease me by calling me mom once in a while. she's funny.



=== (P) ===
(P) just had her dinner when i came to her room. but i think she sensed my presence because she opened her eyes when i started walking in her room. i said my hellos and sat on the floor right next to her bed and started reading to her again. i was reading to her for 20 minutes when i started hearing her snore. i have a weird feeling that she doesn't like me, hahaha. or maybe it's just my imagination.




=== (J) ===
i didn't visit (J) today because i was told to visit her just twice a month. i'll see her in september.

i'll choose a college where there are a lot of boys

another sunday...from 4:30 - 6:30... i had to skip my rondalla band practice... i really need to reorganize my schedule and maybe start doing my visits on a friday or some weekdays after work.

anyway...



=== (I) ===

i first went to see (I). as usual she's in the dining hall. i said my hello and off we go up and down the hall again, only stopping at every window we passed by for 15 minutes. she kept tagging on her blouse so i helped her fix it and pulled it down (it was very high up her waist) and then she asked "does it look better?" to which i answered "yeah, much much better!". she's a little quiet that day. she looked like she's not in the mood. she's not in her usual talkative self. she mentioned a person named harry very briefly and then she stopped. when i asked her about it i think she have forgotten that she even mentioned that name and she started talking about something else. as usual i would sit on the floor infront of her while i rub or touch her hand/arms. she kept saying "you're beautiful" which really made me laugh and i just kept replying "and so are you". but the most wonderful thing i heard from (I) that day was when she said "i think i'll keep you, i'll take you home with me". it really melted my heart.




=== (P) ===

then i visited (P). she's awake. i'm starting to think that the best time to visit my patients is in the afternoon so that they are all awake. i saw her with her legs exposed again. no blanket. maybe she preferred it that way. she really has a very good skin even at a very old age. i so envy her. anyway, so i said my hello. asked her how she is. i told her i brought a book again and that i'll read for her. i read her one of the chapters of the lord of the flies, the chapter where we stopped last time. (note to self: i think i need to buy those portable chairs that people used when watching a baseball game or having picnics. i was wearing a dress that day (i cant stand jeans, very very hot) and i had to sit on the floor right next to my patient's bed or right infront of my patient's wheelchair.). when it's almost time to go the nurse came in to give her dinner. i just watched her eat for a while (she can still eat on her own) and then i said goodbye. another note to self: i really need to ask my volunteer coordinator about bringing a nail polish. hers is chipping off.



=== (J) ===

next stop is (J). she's on the second floor. i found her on the dining hall and she just finished her dinner when i saw her. i said hello, again i heard that light chuckle and then i grabbed a chair and sat right next to her. i noticed that she was hiding her other hand inside the side of her pants. i teased her about it but she just chuckled. i asked her if she wants me to wheel her down the hall or if she prefer to just stay, she chose to just stay at the dining hall. there's another old woman sharing a dining table with her. she's a short old woman. at first she would just watch me while i stroke (J)'s back or shoulder or upper arm and while i talk to (J) and then she started talking to me too. i think she thought i'm one of (J)'s relatives and she kept telling (J) "i trust her", "i really think she is trustworthy. i'm very good at judging peoples personality". or the "i like her smile. she'll go places because of that smile". hmm interesting. anyway, she also asked me if i had a good swim and i just said yes even if i haven't been to my apartment's swimming pool since it opened, lol. the funniest part of the conversation i had with that old lady was this:

"are you done school?"
"yes, i'm done with school"
"ah that's good. have you decided which school to go to for college?"
"uhmm. hmm. i really haven't decided yet"
"i'll choose a college where there are a lot of boys"

i can't help it and just laughed out loud,LOL.

"oh" was my reply
"that's what i'll do", the old woman again

(J) was just smiling the whole time and looked contented by just listening to our conversation and answering the old lady’s questions to her. although i still think she’s having difficulty talking. oh and she also laughed when the old woman mentioned about going to a school where there are a lot of boys. by the way, i need to document this. one of the nurses was holding a small container w/ spoon that looks like a pudding that has (J)'s meds mixed in it. the nurse asked me if i can feed (J) but i told her i don't know how and she looked surprised and repeated what i said:

"you don't know how?"
"yes, i don't know how, i'm sorry" i replied. i felt useless at that very moment, lol
"you're just here to visit?"
"yeah", trying to hid my embarassment, lol
"oh, i thought you're an aid"

hmmm.... i wonder if they know about volunteers visiting the patients or if i'm really expected to feed the patient and help with meds. i sure remember my coordinator telling us that we're just there for emotional support nothing else.



=== (T) ===

last stop was (T). he's in his room sleeping. i grabbed a chair (i wish all rooms have chairs, lol) and i think i woke him up because of that. i introduced myself. said my hello and asked him how he was. he's not responsive like (P) but he says "thank you" and "hello" a lot. so anyway, i sat right next to his bed and showed him some pictures of deers and read to him the description. he tried grabbing the book from me so i gave it to him but he can't really hold something with his hand so it just fell on the side of his bed. then i asked him if he wants me to read him a book. he didn't reply and i saw his eyes slowly closing. but i was like, what the heck i'll just read to him. when i started reading he opened his eyes right away and after a few minutes started dozing off again and then he would open his eyes again as if he just remembered i was there and he would doze off again... that's pretty much what happened while i was there. when it's time to leave i said my goodbye and he started saying "hello" over and over until i left the room.

2 new hospice patients

from 3:00 - 5:00pm

i have 2 new patients for my hospice volunteer thingie, 1 male (T) and another female (J)...... i now have 4 in all......


so how was it?

i went to visit on sunday instead of the usual saturday because i was swamped last saturday with practices and errands and a friend's bday..... i just had to sacrifice some of my other sunday activities/obligations so i could do my hospice visits.......



=== (I) ===

as usual i had fun visiting (I)... when she saw me the first thing she asked me to do is to wheel her up and down the hallway which i so willingly obliged.... she liked it when you put your chin on her knee while she tells her stories.....i usually sit on the floor infront of her and i like staring at her eyes that's why i get tempted to rest my chin on her lap...... when i do that she'll lift both her hands towards me to cup my face with her hands, i like how that feels, she's a sweetheart...... she kept asking me "are you leaving?" to which i always said no but it did made it harder to say goodbye when it was really time to leave...




=== (T) ===

i visited (T) next...it was supposed to be (P) but the nurse was changing her when i peeked into P's room.... (T) was at the dining room watching tv....he's not on a wheelchair, he was lying on a chair that looks like a portable bed.... anyway, i introduced myself, touched his hand and and he just kept saying "thank you" and i just kept saying "you're most welcome".....i just stood beside him at the dining room rubbing his left arm most of the time because he looked like he's intently watching what's on the TV......




=== (J) ===

after i left (T) i went to look for (J)'s room....it turned out (J) was just behind me while i was with (T)..... (J)'s a very pleasant woman.... she started kinda giggling when i introduced myself that i'm her new friend.... i asked how she's been and she replied but i really didnt understand what she said..... note to self: don't ask her too many questions...she was touching her throat while she talks, that it looked like talking is bothering her..... anyway, i just rubbed her arms, held hands with her..... i was teasing her that her hands were cold and i would start "sandwiching" her hand with mine to make it warm and she would start to chuckle...... she has a very kind face and you can see from her eyes how glad she is that you're there sitting right next to her......




=== (P) ===

last patient i visited is (P)... i found her awake when i peeked into her room......i introduced myself to her again because i'm not sure if she recognizes me or remembers me since most of my patients has dementia...... i asked how she's been, which i really think is an inappropriate question but sometimes out of habit i would just blurt that question out......anyway, this time she let me touch her hand (remember, she used to make a fist everytime i touch her hand?).... she looked like she's bothered with strands of her hair falling down her face so i had to help her tie her hair in a bun, (well, somewhat a bun because i don't have a rubber band with me and even if i do i'm not sure if that would feel comfortable) to which strands of hair would just start falling down her face again every after few minutes that i have to redo the bun ever so often to keep the strands of hair from falling on her face...... she also kept rubbing her left eye, i think that's bothering her too........ anyway, i read to her for a bit (i brought lord of the flies).... i complimented her purple nail polish again but i noticed it has started to chip off so i asked her if she wants me to bring a nail polish next time so we could try another color..... i wasnt sure if her moving her head means a yes or a no but i had to ask my volunteer coordinator if i could do that...... i also complimented her ring, she looked pleased when i told her the ring looked really pretty and that i like its intricate details.....

well, i guess that's it for now... till next week....

oh btw, my coordinator was asking me if i can do visits at doylestown....i'm visiting patients from the lansdale facility which is a 30-min drive from where i live and doylestown is another 7-minute drive which is really no biggie so i'll prolly say yes as long as they're ok that i can only do visits, at most, 2 hours every weekend which also meant 4 patients a week.....



p.s.
why am i doing this?
i just need to do something worthwhile..
i have been wanting to join a volunteer org back in the philippines
(breakfast club, kythe, pugad sa busko, etc) but i never got the chance....
and being an SFC (singles for christ) is not enough for me.... i need
"practical applications"

A passed away

i was told yesterday that A passed away last sunday (aug 2, 2009)....

may the perpetual light shine upon her...

may she rest in peace...

in the beginning...

i thought i should journal my visits at the hospice to immortalize the experiences.....


i started volunteering at the hospice on february 14, 2009....yes, valentines day.... that's when they started the volunteer training.......

i had to wait very long before i finally got my assignment....... there's the drug test, a tuberculosis test (which is really a pain in the butt), a background check and a LOT of paperwork......... so i usually would just attend meetings and discussions..... when i finally got my assignment it was worth the wait......

i have 3 patients.... let's call them I, A and P.


I:

it was my first visit with I...... she's not in her room so i have to ask the nurse where she is and the nurse pointed me to the cute old lady in green shirt sitting on a wheel chair in the dining room..... ah, finally, someone who's not sleeping (the first 2 patients i visited before her were all sleeping)..... i can hear her talking from where i was standing--- good, i told myself, that's a good sign...

so i walked slowly to where she is and when i was close enough i introduced myself ("hi I, my name is M, i'm your new friend")........ she suddenly stopped talking and i saw her head slowly drop........... oh boy, i think she doesn't like me......... i knelt on the floor at her left side so we could be at eye level, also so that she can hear me clearly........ i looked at her face and wasn't sure if she's sleeping or her eyes were just closed but i took my chances and asked her: "do you want to make a trip? (i got a tip that she likes being wheeled around on her wheel chair)..... she didn't reply and i wasn't sure if it's just my imagination but i think i saw her dropped her head another inch lower......

hmmm, what to do?

i decided to move at her right side and decided that i'll sit on the floor right next to her........... so i just sat there watching her face, observing her facial expressions............. after a few minutes i was convinced that she's already sleeping....... the other two old ladies sharing the same table with I in the dining room were also sleeping.............. so i just sat there and waited........

waited.... waited.... waited....

i wanted so much to touch her hand that time but i was too scared........... she dropped her head when she heard my voice, what will she do if i started touching her hand? i waited for a bit..... trying to muster enough courage......... then finally i gave in........ i mean, what's the worst that can happen right? atleast i should try so i would know what my next move should be...... so i slowly lifted my hand and very slowly i inched towards where her hand is resting (on her lap)........ boy, her hand's cold...... then she opened her eyes and even before i start to panic she started telling stories as if she'd known me for a long time--- whew!

i liked her right away........ she's a talker and with a very animated facial expressions......... i started stroking her hands while she tells me her stores and then she said: "that's really nice", gawd, im sure glad to hear that! then she talked some more........and some more........and some more............ then she started pushing her wheelchair (using her feet) so i asked her if she wants to make a trip............ she didn't reply but she kept pushing her wheelchair so i took that as my cue........

i pushed her wheelchair up and down the third floor only stopping when we see a window........... when we stop on windows i would ask her to tell me what she saw.........so she told me she's seeing trees and houses and that the place really looks familiar, that it looks like she's been there before, she reminds me of "the notebook"......... and she started telling me stories again..............all i heard are unfinished stories so i really didnt understand any of it but i like watching how her face looks when she tells her stories........ even if i sometimes don't understand a word she's saying her facial expression would tell me if it's a happy or a sad story........


i'm always fascinated by a person's eye color......... and i was looking at her eye very intently figuring out what color it is...... i think it's green with a speck of something else....... the few specks looks like a few glitters sprinkled on her eyes.......... so i told her she has pretty eyes and she said "really!?" oh, how her face lit up! i said: "yes, my eye color looks really boring"

then she told me that she's still pretty and i said "yes, that's very true" and she said "really?!" again.......... its really funny how she says that, she looked like a lil school girl....... while we talk infront of the window i would sit, well, more like squatting, next to her and i would stroke his hand and she really liked that because she just kept saying: "that really feels nice"..........oh, another thing that i really find cute, she also keeps telling me that i should sit on her lap, lol.................. i think she offered me that for like three times, lol and as tempting as that may sound, ofcourse i wouldn't so, i ended up stroking her knees/lap instead............

when it's time to leave i wheeled her back to the dining room and then i told her that i have to go but that i'll be back and you know what she said "you better be!"....... ah, that's priceless!


A

i went to her room after i tried going to P's (P's sleeping when i went to her room) but had to leave because the nurse is changing her clothes........... when i got back after visiting I she looked like she's sleeping but I took my chances and i tried introducing myself, that's when she opened her eyes................ she's so frail................... from the record given to me, it says there she's deaf and blind.................

anyway,

so she opened her eyes........... there are foams around her bed, i guess that's because she kept falling......... i knelt down on one of the foams beside her bed and i started stroking her hand........... i don't know what else to do........... i just kept looking at her face.......... lots of thoughts just came flooding on my head....thoughts like how she would see God face to face soon........... that maybe I should tell her to say hi to God for me......... i was thinking how it would feel like if i know I would see God soon.......... i was thinking if she would remember my touch or my voice when it's time for me to see God face to face and would she greet me "there" and a lot other things............ lol, i know, i know, i'm being my melodramatic self again............... no, i didnt tell her any of these....... these were just thoughts on my head while i was watching her face.......

anyway.....

she really looked weak and frail that i move really slow because i was afraid that I might break her if i add even a tiny bit of pressure.................. then i tried to tuck the lose strands of her hair to her ear but her hair is short so i have to do it like 3 times.............. then i noticed how her eyes would start closing slowly whenever i do that so i figured maybe she liked that so i started stroking her hair using my two fingers............. i just ran my two fingers thru her hair from her temple down to the back of her ear and down the tip of her ear............. i just used two of my fingers because like i said, she looked so fragile that it felt like i will break her if i use more than two fingers.......... so anyway, i just kept doing that.......... then i stopped because i have to scratch my nose (the tip of my nose, not inside, fyi) then she suddenly opened her eyes.......... then i started stroking her hair again and slowly she started closing her eyes again............ so i did that until it's time to go..........

when it's time to go i told her that i'll be back........... i'm actually sad to go............ it just feels like i have to be there to protect her............ she just look really weak.... yeah i know, i've said that for like a million times already, but it's true............




P:

i was planning to visit P first but when i saw her sleeping (and she was snoring too) i ended up visiting I first.............. when i'm done visiting I and A i went to her room and she's still sleeping................. but i wasnt sure if she's really sleeping or she just has her eyes closed so I took my chances again, walk beside her bed and introduced myself........ she didn't budge........... yep, sleeping.......

so i just knelt right next to her bed.............. and just watched her face............ i was wondering how old she is because i don't see much wrinkles................. and i was looking at how her legs (her knee down to her toes are exposed) still looks smooth............. well i guess the legs are the last thing to get old............ then i was wondering if she liked it that way, i mean that her legs are exposed or if i should cover it up...............then i saw her purple nail polish............. hmm, maybe i should bring a nail polish next time?

mostly that's what i did, i just watched her sleep............. then she woke up! (maybe she had sensed that someone's there) and the first thing she did is to drink the glycema something that's on her bed (i forgot what the label says)................. i watched her drink and then i introduced myself to her again................ she's not responding which is fine because i was told that she really doesn't respond that much................. i started stroking her hand but she made ball of fist so i stopped................ after a few minutes i tried again, she made a ball of fist again so i stopped again................. i'm not a quitter so i tried again, still, another fist............. that's fine, i'm a stranger........... hopefully on my next visits she would allow me to touch her hand..................

it was kinda awkward because i don't know what else to do........... i was racking my brains what to tell her but nothing so i just stayed there and watched her................ there are times that i would get scared when all i could see are whites of her eyes because she would roll her eyes all the way up but then i would remember how my brother sleeps that way too although i wasn't really sure if she's trying to sleep or if i should call the nurse and then i heard her snore............... i waited a few more minutes then i left........... i would see her again next saturday..........




i'll visit P and I again next week...... i have to visit P 4x a month.... 3x a month for I and 2x a month for A.....